Tuesday, July 29, 2025

At a certain point in life, you stop pretending. You stop pretending you like kale. You stop pretending you want to attend that 8:00 p.m. event that “should only last a couple hours.” You stop pretending you’re excited about the group chat. Somewhere between your mid-40s and early 50s, a glorious shift happens: your Give-A-Damn meter breaks in all the right ways.

So in the spirit of midlife clarity, here’s a short (but ever-growing) list of things I no longer pretend to care about:

  1. Uncomfortable clothes.
    If I have to shimmy, tug, suck in, or re-adjust every time I sit down, it’s a no. Life’s too short for waistbands with agendas. I dress for comfort with just enough structure to look like I meant it.
  2. Group photos with 27 takes.
    If we’re in focus and everyone has their eyes open, it’s a keeper. I don’t need to see it from “another angle” or try “one with a silly face.” We are not making the cover of Vanity Fair.
  3. Being “up to date” on every trend.
    No, I haven’t heard the latest TikTok sound, and I don’t know what a “mob wife aesthetic” is. But I do know how to write a check and host a dinner party. So…we can still have a good time.
  4. Apologizing for saying no.
    “No, thank you” is a full sentence. Bonus points if you say it without a 14-step explanation that involves your dog, a car battery, and Mercury being in retrograde. Still working on this one.
  5. Looking like I “woke up like this.”
    Because I did wake up like this. Puffy eyes, pillow crease, and crazy hair. That’s what happens when you sleep deeply and peacefully because you’re not lying awake wondering if saying “no” made someone upset with you.
  6. Keeping the peace by keeping quiet.
    I used to think not rocking the boat made me gracious. Now I know that sometimes, the boat needs rocking. Otherwise, people assume you’re okay with sailing in the wrong direction.
  7. Pretending I’ve read every book on my shelf.
    There are books I display because I intend to read them. There are also books I display because I want to want to read them. Both are valid choices.
  8. Suffering through uncomfortable shoes.
    You know what’s actually powerful? Walking into a room with your head held high because your feet don’t hurt. I don’t care if my shoes sparkle. I care if I can walk across a parking lot without limping.
  9. Multi-tasking like a hero.
    Turns out, doing six things at once is just a great way to forget what you were doing in the first place. I now mono-task with pride.
  10. Pretending I’m not tired.
    I am tired. I’ve been awake since 5:45, solved a dozen problems before breakfast, and answered questions from five different directions while trying to drink lukewarm coffee. I’m allowed to be tired. And also, tried isn’t a tragedy. I don’t need to treat it like one.

Some of this is wisdom. Some of it is fatigue. But mostly, it’s freedom. There’s a great relief in no longer performing for the imaginary audience in your head. Life gets easier when you stop curating it for people who aren’t even watching.

So if you find yourself quietly putting down the masks and giving up the “shoulds,” welcome.  Thanks for joining in! You’re not giving up. You’re finally showing up.

And the best part?

No Spanx required. What a relief.

Until Next Time,

Mary Schuster
Chief Knowledge Officer
October Research, LLC