Tuesday, December 10, 2024
I’ve been thinking about how hard it can be lately to have a good conversation. Whether trying to discuss culture, news and events of the day or even the weather, it’s getting harder and harder to share common experiences, references, and viewpoints.
Our silos are becoming taller and farther apart. While it’s easier than ever to find a group who shares your deeply held political convictions or are just as wildly passionate for your rare hobby…our holing up (even if only virtually) more and more often with like-minded souls is causing other relationships to wither. We’re becoming awkward.
The great thing about data in an attention economy is that your preferences can be sliced, diced and analyzed so efficiently; your newsfeed, advertisements and entertainment options are micro-targeted to your unique preferences. So are mine. Which feels nice. The experience is smooth, for any single individual.
Yet when we try to converse with anyone else, we find out very quickly that it’s difficult to locate any common ground. We don’t have much of a shared reality any longer. The result is increasingly frustrating attempts to communicate with other human beings.
We are losing our common bonds as well as our ability to seek, find, and understand each other. Instead, we feel more at home with the hot takes, microfocus and urgency of our mini-tribes.
A simple illustration, how many times has this happened to you in the past several days?
Person One: We’re watching this great new show and loving it!
Person Two: Oh, what’s it called?
Person One: It’s called ScallyWags.
Person Two: Hadn’t even heard about it! What’s it on?
Person One: Uh, I think it’s on SW Plus. Do you have SW Plus?
Person Two: I have no idea if we have that. Is it a channel or an app?
Person One: I’m not sure. I think it might be a channel on the UmtypySchumtz app. Do you have the UmptySchumtz app?
Person Two: I have no idea.
Odds are the conversation dies out under its own weight before anyone can share why they loved the show or thinks you will. You’re both exhausted from trying to bog through the conversational mud. Even if you charge ahead discussing the recommendation, the enthusiasm has succumbed to the effort of trying to find a solid point of beginning.
It’s also important to note that if one of these people is a Gen Z individual, they might be horrified that your house has a piece of furniture as an obsolete television (it’s they’ll even throw in an eyeroll at no extra charge).
Heck, much of the time it’s annoying when we’re trying to talk with someone who hasn’t heard about the thing we’re currently obsessed about. Or they don’t share our vocabulary, let alone get our inside jokes. Perhaps the cruelest part? These sorts of perilous or uncomfortable exchanges will make us more likely, not less, to dive back into the luxurious warm bath of our individual curated feeds. Our instincts are to do the exact opposite of what would actually help.
There are remedies, however.
If you don’t already, make it a point to seek out (and endure) information streams from outside your natural inclinations. Yes, it can be irritating and annoying. In the beginning, our brains get anxious and feel allergic to hearing viewpoints different from our own. But it’s necessary if you want to have a balanced information diet, and enjoyable conversations with more people.
Second, we need to make new opportunities to immerse ourselves among other actual humans who don’t share our thoughts, hobbies or interests. It’s a skill we shouldn’t allow to atrophy as a society. This was not considered a sacrifice or a skill to keep honed even just 10 years ago, we just went and did things with other people. But today, many folks are going out of their way to intentionally schedule additional time for gatherings like these. Local places like church, or service clubs are great places to regain your sense of community with neighbors, who can help stretch your mental flexibility back into a nimbler state.
Finally, take a few minutes to come up with a few water cooler topics to have at the ready. If you need some ideas, The Washington Post recently compiled 52 Definitive Rules of Flying Etiquette. There are plenty of fun subjects that nearly everyone can laugh about and agree on. Clique has created a guide to water cooler conversation starters for helping co-workers stay connected in an era of hybrid and remote work. News personality Michael Smirconish has The Mingle Project to remind people of the importance of connecting together, in person, with no agenda other than restoring our civic bonds.
We all need to stand down a bit from the hot takes of the news of the day, or whatever has us feeling lathered up mentally. Let’s give everyone’s nervous system a break and retrain ourselves how to shoot the breeze. We might just reconnect with each other in the process. We just might find ourselves in the process, too.
Until Next Time,
Mary Schuster
Chief Knowledge Officer
October Research, LLC